The One With Alice's One Night Stand
by The One With All The Twilight
Summary: Rated M. Entry for the Twi/Friends contest: Sometimes it gets tiring being the daughter of her parents and sister of her perfect brother. Alice turns to her friend, Booze, to take off the edge, but that decision might have very awkward consequences.


**"The one with all the Twilight"**

**Twi-Friends contest entry**

**Story Title: **The One with Alice's One Night Stand

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight, I don't own Friends. Though that shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone...

**Rating: **M for adult themes

**X x X x X**

**Alice's POV**

How is it fair that Edward is getting married for the second time, and I'm not even close to a first marriage? And of course our parents are more than ready to pay for half of it, seeing as they'll be getting their second daughter-they-never-had. It's like I'm not even here!

"Hey, Edward," I greet him, glad that we're friends again. As much as he annoys me, I always feel better when we're friends. He can just be overly dramatic sometimes. Like before, when he claimed I'd ruined his life by suggesting to Tanya that it might not be such a bad thing postponing the wedding. I mean, if the girl wants a perfect wedding, she should _get_ a perfect wedding. My brother doesn't realize that most women only plan on doing this once.

But I helped him nonetheless to arrange for things to be perfect in its own way. Together we decorated the ruins that used to be their wedding venue, and even with the botched up flower order and the food mix up, we managed to come up with a pretty awesome wedding. Of course, if Tanya would have asked me to plan this thing in the first place, none of this would have happened. And of course, if Edward would be marrying someone else, say, someone like Bella, I would have generously offered to take care of the preparations.

Edward greets me and our parents, giving the two of them a hug.

"Sweetie, sorry we're late," Mom apologizes. "It was my fault. I insisted on riding the tube," she says, stroking Edward's arm, and suddenly Dad looks quite flustered.

"Esme, the kids..." he stutters.

"Carlisle, that's what they call the subway," she explains to him in hushed tones.

"Oooh, I thought that you..." Dad begins, but Edward and I cut him off.

"Dad, no, We got it!" We definitely don't need to hear what he thinks the 'Tube' was. I shudder just thinking about it.

We're saved from the embarrassing situation as Tanya comes waltzing over with her parents.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, Alice, this is my dad, Peter Denali, and my stepmum, Charlotte Denali," she says in her posh British accent, as her dad shakes hands with my parents. When he turns to me, I politely shake his clammy hand.

Mr. Denali slurs a little bit as he greets us. "Hello, how do you do? It's very nice to meet you." Bringing my hand up to his mouth, he kisses it, just like he did with my mother's hand. I can't help the shiver running down my spine, but I try my best to hide it.

Mr. looks over to his wife, who is busy doing something on her very expensive-looking phone. "Darling, it's the Cullens," he points out to her. When she doesn't respond, he tries louder, "Darling! It's the Cullens!" Again she doesn't respond, so he turns to us again. "She's very self-absorbed, you know. I should never have married her."

I feel a bit shocked that he could say such a thing about his own wife, but my parents laugh politely and nod. Tanya just looks uncomfortable. From what I gather, she doesn't like her stepmother very much.

Finally, Mrs. Denali notices that she has company, and she looks us all over with a critical eye. I can practically feel as she spots every single snag in my dress, even though I'm pretty sure there aren't any, and I can tell that she feels superior to us, judging by the sneer on her face. But then again, according to Edward, she has a chronic case of sneer.

"Oh, lovely to meet you," she greets in a bored voice, and doesn't even offer her hand to shake. In fact, the cell looks like it's glued to her hand, she's clutching it so tightly.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, may I just say how terribly nice of you it is to offer to pay for half the wedding," Mr. Denali says to break the tension, as he hands Dad a thick envelope.

"Oh, that's okay, we're happy to do it." Dad smiles and puts the envelope in his pocket breast pocked, gently patting it.

Mom contributes, "We know how expensive weddings can be, and besides, this may be the only wedding we get to throw!" Unfortunately, while she says this, she pats me on the shoulder, like she feels sorry for me, or like I have a disability or something.

I frown. "Ha ha, a joke that's funny in all countries."

For once I'd like for my mom and dad not to patronize me like they always do. I've dated guys in the past. I've even been in serious relationships. But maybe they are just in denial because the most serious I've gotten with a guy was with Michael, a long time family friend and Dad's golfing buddy.

Edward clearly senses my discomfort at Mom's declaration, and quickly diffuses the situation by guiding us to our table. I just hope the rest of the guys will be here soon, or I won't survive this bloody rehearsal dinner. _Man, since when did I turn into a Brit?_ I sigh. I miss New York...

I try not to focus too much on my parents as we sit and wait for dinner to be served, but it is inevitable. Dad has opened the envelope from Mr. Denali, and is perusing the wedding bill.

"What the hell?" he roars, flipping page after page of numbers.

"What's up, Dad?" Edward asks, looking over his shoulder.

"This bill for my half of the wedding! It's insane!" he complains.

"It can't be that much," Mom injects, trying to placate him. "The reception's at their house!"

Dad points at the bill. "Flowers, liquor, re-carpet first floor, new guest bath, landscaping... I'm paying to remodel this house!" He's seething and his face is slowly turning red. He stands up and throws his napkin on the table, his chair almost falling over. "I'm going to give that son of a bitch a piece of my mind!"

Edward quickly grabs his shoulders and pushes him back down. "Dad, please, I don't want anything to upset Tanya tonight, alright? She's had a hard enough couple of days as it is. Just wait and let me talk to him, okay?" he asks as he picks up the bill.

"And you tell him no one takes advantage of the Cullens!" Dad adds, emphasizing with a point of his finger, and Edward pats him on the shoulders to keep him calm.

"Oh, Carlisle..." Mom almost moans, making gooey eyes at Dad. "Sometimes I forget how powerful you can be..." she breathes, her hand slowly trailing up and down his arm. And all of a sudden my parents are passionately making out.

"Oh, ewww!" I quickly look the other way and desperately try to rub my eyes to get the mental image out of my head. When the noises of the two of them reach my ears, I decide that that's not going to be enough. "I'm just gonna go get drunk," I say to no one in particular, as I excuse myself from the table and make my way to the bar.

As much as I love weddings, this shindig is really starting to wear me down. It's like everyone is being all lovey-dovey except me. Hell, even my parents are making out. It's been, oh I can't even remember how long since I last dated someone remotely decent. Not to mention how long it's been since I've had sex. The tought alone gets me depressed.

Fortunately, my lovely brother has an open bar at this rehearsal dinner, so I can drown my sorrows with a glass or two of champagne. If I watch my consuption, I won't feel too awful in the morning...

**X x X x X**

"I'd like to toast Edward and Tanya." Jasper's voice brings my focus away from my empty champagne glass and onto him. I think his bow tie is a little crooked. You know, if I squint my eyes, he almost looks like that dude with the ugly wig in one of the vampire movies. Chandler, I think his name was. That dude was kinda hot. Emmett is hotter, though.

My God, what's happening to me? I have to stop drinking! Focus on Jasper and his toast! He's looking a little flustered. I wonder if he made a fool of himself once again. I wouldn't be surprised.

Oh right, listen to the toast...

"In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend!" Jasper jokes. "And I thought things were going to work out for him... until the day he over inflated her!" He laughs heartily, until he notices that no one is laughing with him.

I find the joke quite funny, but I resist the urge to giggle. I don't want to show everyone just how immature I can be. And being drunk is definitely not helping with that.

A cell phone rings and Charlotte Denali answers. "Hello, Denali Interiors."

I can't hear who's on the phone, but Mrs. Denali looks irritated. "Who is this?" she demands. "Where did you get this number?" she asks and waits as the person on the line explains. I decide that it's best to just keep drinking, and reach over the table for the champagne bottle. I look up at Emmett sitting directly across from me, just in time to see him looking up from my chest. Instead of being embarrassed, he smiles and winks at me.

I think I might have flashed him when I leaned over.... _Well, damn_...

"Well, if you're one of Edward's best friends, why aren't you here?" Mrs. Denali asks on the phone. My head snaps up in her direction, wondering who's calling. It could either be Rosalie, who's stuck back in New York, pregnant with her brother's triplets, or Bella, who's kinda babysitting Rosalie, but kinda also avoiding this wedding because she's still in love with Edward but doesn't realize it.

Come to think of it, it might have been a good idea to tell either one of them about it...

"Am I on the radio?" she asks, selfconsciously patting her hair, as if radio actually meant TV. Eventually she frowns and tells the person on the phone that she's hanging up, and then she does exactly that.

There is awkward silence for a moment, before Jasper nervously clears his throat and continues his toast. "And I'm sure we're all very excited that Edward and Tanya are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean, to think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall!" There is dead silence in the room. "Ohh, come on! Monty Hall? Let's make a Deal? Come on, you people!" he desperately tries for a reaction, but everyone just stares at him. "Alright, just forget it! Congratulation, Edward and Tanya!" he finishes lamely and huffs as he sits down.

Emmett stands up, and I cringe, just knowing that he'll say something embarrassing. "Hey, best man number two, Emmett McCarty. Now, I'm not good with the jokes like Jasper here," he says, gesturing at Jasper, "but, ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple."

I hope that his speach is over, but no, he continues. "I first met Edward in this coffee house back home..." He pauses, before continuing wistfully, "Home, New York City... Where everybody knows my name... Well, anyway, I love you guys," he says, pointing at each of us, "But not as much as I love America!" He cries, and I swear, his eyes are tearing up. He sits down and turns towards Jasper. "Could we please just go home now?" he begs, looking like a lost puppy.

He looks so sad that I feel kinda sorry for him. And slightly homesick myself.

A girl, I think she's a bridesmaid, snakes her arm around Emmett's shoulders and pouts. "Are you going home? I was hoping to get to know you better..." she suggests, winking at him.

Emmett, of course, perks up and puts his arm around her waist. "I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart." He grins at her, and just like that, they're making out.

The whole thing makes me nauseous and even more depressed, so I knock back yet another glass of champagne.

Suddenly, I feel the full effects of being tiny and drinking lots of liquid, and I feel like my bladder is about to burst. I stand up quickly, but somehow my equilibrium is off and I end up having to support myself in order not to fall over.

_That's odd... _And my vision is slightly off. I'm having difficulties focusing on anything... _Man I hope I don't fall over. _

It takes me a while to find the bathroom, but eventually I'm there and my bladder screams in delight as I finally relax and let go. I sit for a while, since I seem to have ingested bucketloads of champagne and other liquids. Someone is humming the theme tune from Cheers, and I start to hum along, only to find out it was me all along.

I haven't been drunk in a _long_ time.

Thankfully, I remember to wash my hands, and I take my time to fix my make-up. When satisfied that I look hot enough, I make my way back to the main room, only to find Jasper on one of the couches, his head buried in his hands.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask as I sit down beside him, patting him gently on the back.

"The toast, it was awful," he answers, shaking his head in his hands.

"That's not true! I was laughing," I offer, trying to console him.

Jasper lifts his head to look at me, a frown on his face. "Out loud?" he asks.

I cringe. "Well, I didn't want everyone to think I was stupid..."

He sighs in defeat and sits up, focusing on me. "So, how are you doing?" he asks as he gently pats my knee.

"Ugh, my mother is driving me crazy," I start ranting, but decide not to be bitchy tonight, so I sigh and continue on a better note. "But Edward is getting married. That's all that matters. I'm happy," I lie, hoping that he won't see through my facade. Though that would probably not be all that hard, since I am a lousy liar when sober, let alone when drunk. "I'm not going to let anything spoil that," I conclude, before adding, "though maybe I should stop drinking, so I won't do something stupid..."

"Excuse me," a voice disrupts our conversation, and I look up to see an older man in an even worse state than me. His accent is English so I assume he's from Tanya's side. "I just want to say that Edward is a wonderful young man," he says, looking right at me.

"Thank you," I answer politely. "We like him."

"My God," the man bellows. "You must have been a teenager when you had him!"

I stare at him in shock, not able to reply. The man honestly thinks I am Edward's mother? I'm two years younger than him, for Pete's sake! Jasper seems to notice my distress and starts stroking my back in order to soothe me.

"That guy was hammered, Alice. There is no way you look like Edward's mother!" He is being so sweet, but it still doesn't dull the sting of the drunk man's words.

"Then why would he say it?" I say, sobbing. I admit, I'm being a little dramatic, but hey, there's a lot going on right now, I am allowed to be emotional!

"Because he's crazy, okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Twilight!"

Okay, now I _know_ he's joking just to cheer me up. There is no way he looks hot enough to be one of the Twilight people. Emmett, however, would be perfect as Joey...

Okay, back to the real world. Where my big brother is getting married for the second time, my best friend is in love with my big brother but doesn't know it, my other best friend is pregnant with triplets, and I am all alone. With no date or even a chance of one. Not even with Eric, the hopeless puppy who used to follow me around and bought me my own design label.

I sigh. "My mother is right. I'm never going to get married." My shoulders sag and I lean back into the sofa.

Jasper looks at me for a moment. "That's..." he starts, but then he sits back as well and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him. "That's bull. Who wouldn't want you?" he says, rubbing my arm.

Scoffing, I reply, "Oh, please! I'm a single mom, with a thirty year old son!"

Jasper's chest rumbles beneath my chin, and his breath heats up my hair as he silently laughs. It feels nice, sitting with him, and I have to say I would be quite content in sitting with him here the rest of the evening.

A movement in front of us catches my eye, and I see Emmett walk by, the bridesmaid from before nowhere in sight.

_Hmm... Emmett is single and available. It would never be anything serious, but he would be great for a little romp in the sack, right? At least if the stories are true..._

With resolve, I sit up straight and turn back towards Jasper, who's smiling kindly at me.

"Thank you, for cheering me up. I really needed that." I smile and kiss him on the cheek, before standing up and heading towards the bar. If I'm going to try and seduce Emmett, I definitely need more alcohol in my system.

**X x X x X**

Oh man, I am druhunk! Drunk like a skunk! I don't think I've ever been this drunk before. I am horny drunk. That is a very fun kind of drunk. Mmmmm...

_Wait, where am I?_

I look around me, only to see that I'm standing in a corridor at our hotel, doors on either side of me.

Oh, right. I'm looking for Emmett. Dear ol' hot, yummy, dumb Emmett. I love him. He is always sooo amazing. What's his room number again? Oh right, sixty-nine... That's neat.

I snicker at my own thoughts. Quickly spotting door number sixty-nine, I knock. I wait for a second, before trying knocking again, when finally the door opens.

"Hey," Jasper greets, dressed in blue and white striped pajamas pants. No shirt. I've never noticed before how good looking he is. _That happy-trail..._

I suddenly remember to compose myself and decide trying to joke with him. "Cute PJ's! You're really livin' it up here in London, huh?" I try to wink at him, but end up losing my balance. I grab the door jamb to steady myself, and hope he didn't notice my graceful behavior.

"Well," he answers. "I wasn't exactly expecting company after," he pauses and looks at his watch," nine-fifteen..." he finishes lamely.

It's only nine-fifteen? How sad is it that I'm drunk off my ass, and it isn't even midnight?

"Is Emmett here?" I ask as I saunter into the room.

Jasper steps aside, awkwardly scratching his chest (while I try not to stare at his very nice chest). "Well, last time I saw him, he was heading out the door with the bridesmaid and a bucket of strawberries." My head snaps up from his chest as I notice him looking at me, and I'm slightly flushed when I look away and sit down on Emmett's bed.

"So, uh..." Jasper starts. "You're not still upset about what that guy told you, right?" he asks, sitting down opposite me.

I frown. "Wouldn't you be?"

"Well, look, it's been a really emotional time, you know, and you've had a lot to drink," he says slowly, looking me right in the eye. "And you've just got to let that shit _go_, okay?" He raises his eyebrows slightly. "I mean," he starts, before looking down at his hands and mumbling, "you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight..."

My insides melt at his words. He is so sweet. Though that shouldn't be a surprise, he has always been very sweet to me.

"You really think so?" I ask quietly.

He stands up and sits next to me on Emmett's bed. "Are you kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms..." he trails off, his hand fidgeting.

I look at him for a long moment, taking in his features. I have never noticed how pretty he actually is. His jaw line is square and masculine, and his skin looks so soft. And his hands! He has very big, masculine hands, and I suddenly have to urge to feel them all over me.

Without another thought, I cup his face and forcefully put my lips against his. He immediately responds, and for two delicious seconds we kiss. Then he abruptly pulls away, gasping.

"Whoa, what's going on?" he asks, slightly freaking out. "You and I just made out!" He looks right into my eyes, seeking confirmation. "You and I are making out?"

"Well, not anymore," I point out, slightly annoyed.

"But we don't do that!" His voice is pitched and he's leaning away from me.

"I know," I huff. "I just thought it would be fun," I say honestly.

Jasper looks at me for a moment. "Just how drunk are you?"

I study him for a minute, wondering if he would actually be up for satisfying my horny needs. I mean, he's always been a little bit desperate, right? And here I am, very desperate for some human contact.

Hopeful, I perk up. "Drunk enough to know that I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage."

He looks at me for a second. "That's the perfect amount!" he cheers.

"Okay!" I answer, relieved, and start devouring his face again. I feel him opening his mouth so I slip my tongue to meet his and it feels so wonderful. It's been _so_ long since I last kissed someone like that.

His hands travel over my back and down to my hips, while mine take refuge in his hair, which is getting unusually long. I kinda like it long like that.

I suddenly realize how natural it feels kissing him, and I have an urge to tell him that. "You know what's weird?" I ask after extracting myself from his mouth.

"What?" he asks, slightly out of breath.

"This doesn't feel weird at all!" I say and start nibbling at his jaw.

He moans, before replying, "I know." He seeks out my mouth again, and we kiss for a few more minutes.

"You're a really good kisser," I admitt between kisses, and start moving my mouth to his jaw again. He has a very delicious jaw!

"Well, I have kissed over four women," he points out, his breath hot in my ear. I snicker lightly at his response. _Poor inexperienced Jasper. _His hand slides further up my ribcage but he halts his movements, like he's afraid of going further.

"Do you want to get under the covers?" he suggest and I just "mhmm" in reply. "Ohkayh" he breathes in my ear again, grabs my hand and pulls me over to his bed, quickly pulling up the covers.

I giggle and kick off my shoes before jumping in. He jumps in after me, looking as excited as a kid on a huge playground. For some reason he's never gotten much tail in the past, and I'm finding that increasingly unbelievable. _He's been hiding a lot of hotness over the years,_ I think as I look down his torso again.

We look at each other once we both are under the covers, before quickly working at removing our own clothes. I swear, Jasper moves with lightning speed, but I guess he's just a wee bit eager. I do hope that he's not this quick with all his tasks, though...

"We're gonna see each other naked," I say, pointing out the obvious. I don't know if I should be nervous or excited, but I'm definitely curious. I mean, he does have _large_ hands, if you get my drift.

"Yup," he answers, looking expectantly at me.

"Do you wanna do it at the same time?" I ask, wondering what's the best way to do this.

"Count to three?" he counters.

"One," I start.

"Two," he continues and a surge of warmth spreads between my legs in anticipation.

"Three!" we say together and lift up the covers.

My eyes scan down over his torso, and that pretty happy trail leads to something that makes me _very_ happy indeed. I can't even help the silly grin spreading on my face, and when we put the covers back down I notice a matching grin on Jasper's face.

"Well," Jasper begins. "I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined."

I giggle. "Eh, we weren't that close anyway," I say, shrugging.

He smiles back at me. "Eh," he echos.

I bite my lip as I notice the sparkle in his green-blue eyes. My heart flutters slightly and butterflies erupt in my stomach. Jasper leans towards me, but he's going too slow, so I attack him again. I could survive on his lips alone, I'm sure!

Suddenly we hear the room key being slid into the slot on the door, and I quickly shrink under the covers, hoping that the newcomer won't notice.

"Emmett! EMMETT!" Jasper yells as Emmett, apparently, walks in.

"Hey," Emmett greets.

"Hey, Em!" Jasper's panicked voice carries through the blankets. "I was just... Just watching a movie..." he trails off, and there's silence in the room. I can see Jasper's thighmuscles twitch, and suddenly I realize how much fun I could have with this.

"Hey, dude, I'm sorry," Emmett apologizes, while I stealthily sneak my hand to grab Jasper's leg, just above his knee, and slowly start moving upwards.

"No, no, NO!" Jasper panicks again, trying to inconspicuously move away from my hand without actually reaching down to remove it himself.

"Hey, no man, it's cool, it's cool!" Emmett pardons. "I'll only be a second, I'm still with my bridesmaid. I just... Where are those condoms you brought?"

Jasper brought condoms? Who did he think he'd sleep with? He's horrible at picking up ladies. Ususally the only ones he ever gets are too desperate to get a real guy.

_Oh_... Oh well, I'm still getting laid tonight!

"They're in my bag over there," Jasper answers, sounding uncomfortable.

I can hear someone walking around the bed, and Jasper's thigh is still twitching. I move my hand further and slide it over his dick, teasing, and feel it twitch as well and I can feel Jasper's entire body stiffen in response.

"Uh," he groans, before clearing his throat. "Um, could you leave me one?"

I mentally squeal at the confirmation. I _am_ having sex tonight! In a response, I gently stroke down Jasper's dick with one finger, and he shivers.

"For... For just you?" Emmett asks, sounding a bit taken aback.

"Yeah," Jasper breathes out and I see his butt clenching.

There is silence for a moment before Emmett suggests, "Hey, listen, why don't you come downstairs with me? There's some really nice girls down there." I don't know if it's just me, but he sounds a bit like he feels sorry for Jasper.

I'm still trailing my finger around Jasper's area, and he sounds kinda breathless while he answers. "No, no. I'm... I'm fine..."

Emmett sighs. "Alright, here you go buddy." Something thumps on the covers above me, and I hear the door open again. "Go nuts!" Emmett says, and I swear, he totally sounds weirded out. And I just can't imagine how he must have perceived this scene. Jasper, tense and alone, asking for condoms? That can't make much sense to an outsider.

As soon as the door closes, Jasper pulls up the coveres again and a mischevious grin graces his face. "You, my dear, are a very, _very_ bad girl!"

Suddenly, his hands are all over me, teasing me and tickling just like I had done with him, and I just hope that Emmett is already far away from this room, because there is no way that I'm going to keep quiet!


End file.
